it's scary, the way you...

quote ******:
"do you hear me now?

i sang to you yesterday, oh yesterday.

the song of my heart.

You are all I need to get me through
Like a falling star I fell for you

Sweet anticipation
It's giving me the butterflies
And my heartbeat's racing
Cos loving you is beautiful
When you're so irresistible

So don't stop
What you're doing baby
So good
And it drives me crazy
One touch
I'm in heaven, yeah
Cos loving you is so beautiful baby cos

You are all I need to get me through
Like a falling star I fell for you
You have taught me how to love
An angel sent from high above
Now I know that all I need is you

Cos I need you and you need me
And we'll always be together

Before I knew what love was
I always ended up in tears
It's just the way my world was
Until you walked into my life
It's something that I just can't hide

Real love
Has come my way
And I know
That it's here to stay
And it feels
Like never before
Cos loving you is so beautiful baby cos

You are all I need to get me through
Like a falling star I fell for you
You have taught me how to love
An angel sent from high above
Now I know that all I need is you

Cos I need you and you need me
And we'll always be together

Cos I need you and you need me
And we'll always be together

You're my inspiration
My world just seems a brighter place
I just wanna tell you
I've never ever felt this way
I've never thought I'd see the day

Real love
Has come my way
And I know
That it's here to stay
And it feels
Like never before
Cos loving you is so beautiful baby cos

You are all I need to get me through
Like a falling star I fell for you
You have taught me how to love
An angel sent from high above
Now I know that all I need is

You are all I need to get me through
Like a falling star I fell for you
You have taught me how to love
An angel sent from high above
Now I know that all I need is you"

---

Shayenne: how was your weekend?

Me: Not satisfactory

saturday - 8am-11am SMART YES-NEC duties; 12pm-5pm MR proj; 5pm-6pm eating rubbish with Melly & Clinton; 730pm-1230pm RWPS report and i fell asleep.
sunday - woke up at 7 totally forgetting it's brother's birthday! RWPS report till 5pm. finally submitted to the anti-plagiarism thingy. family dinner at Geylang's "Sek Wai Sin" (cantonese restaurant) with brother and daddy and mummy.
geylang changed a lot. it's so sleazy now.
told brother about Miss Lily Lim's interest in really implementing our events management service's proposal in real life and he laughed about it. hmph. actually i don't have a 100% confidence about it but yeah, like what Lily Lim said, the synergy in our team should do. LOL.

Happy Birthday Brother. I Love You! (:

came back home and just chionged RWPS (appendices, references, contents page etc) because i don't have time to do tmr! bah.

what's still lacking (according to priorities):
help yan ting do Dip. Plus Report's conclusion & proofread.
print MR report
FMA tutorial
Dip. Plus Journal

my next post - Life's a Bitch

be still, my heart

i don't like that feeling in the pit of my stomach.
it's making me sick.

quote lola:

"its the second time im going through the 'what now?' stage and i must say, im still not very good at it. i thought i'd be wiser and smarter, my heart tougher, but this thing called love, drives me crazy and my thoughts into a frenzy. my mind tells me one thing but my heart says another. i want to fall deeper but my mind is keeping me safe, holding me back, making me give sensible replies like 'no, i dont' to 'i miss you, do you?'s. i dont know what im getting myself into, its like dipping my hand in a lucky draw box, its like doing those orientation games where they blindfold you, its all based on trust, they say. its true, i have faith."

i love reading her blog. it's so... REAL. so frank it scares me.
it just speaks what i feel deep down inside.
i cannot really put it into words.
argh. that's the problem. i always have trouble transforming feelings and thoughts into words, and i'd end up using cliché words like, happy or whatsoever.
but she does it just so easily! which annoys me, frankly.

quote Clinton:
"i’m so depressed that term 2 is not going my way.
ong clinton, you better buck up on your studies. first your SSM presentation sucks to the max, next you are failing your FMA paper. you want to get kicked out of scholarship is it? don’t think that good grades in year 1 will mean that year 2 and 3 will be smooth sailing. you bloody please wake up from your illusion! always don’t do tutorials and study last minute. gehkiang lah, now you really deserve to get a damn fucking lousy GPA. you are too complacent! overly-confident about yourself! you think you are some genius?! WAKE UP ALREADY!
i swear i’ll break down soon if anything else screws up. ): "

i remember beating myself up like that not long ago. really. just about 4 months ago?
after receiving my Sem 2 results slips and finding out i was rejected for Dip. Plus.
i remember distinctly, this moment, all the empty promises i made to myself.
and no matter how hard i beat myself up, procrastination still gets the better of me.
the lack of motivation still demoralises me.
"What's your ambition?" Shayenne asked Clinton and I today, after Melissa, Bryan and Dickson left for their GEMs after lunch.
Clinton shook his head and said he doesn't know, something business-related, perhaps.
I was, honestly, appalled that this almighty achievement-oriented guy who beats himself up like a drunken father to a child for every little mistake he commits, has no ambition.
or maybe he was just unwilling to share, but i guess it's unlikely?
i asked then what's the motivation behind all his hard work, if he had no ambition.
he said monetary incentives from the scholarship programme.

i wish i could find something to inspire me.
something that can actually sustain and not die off after some time.
that talk with weixiong a month ago really inspired me and gave me insights into what i really want out of my life.
i saw how he is fulfilling his life now, and made me see that this stupid desire of mine to own monogram Griet or Montorgueil is so frivolous and shallow.
but as the day goes by, the fire in me that was ignited and burnt so fiercely, extinguished.
i need to keep the fire going.
will you help me?

---

kynan stayed over on 22 & 23 (:

because my brother and sister-in-law went Bintan for a short short short holiday getaway.

mummy giving kynan a bath.
i love to take pictures of him having baths (not because he's naked la!) but because he is damn adorable!! (recalls the cheeky photo, which is like the entire family's handphone wallpaper now..)

my dear dear love, i miss you! <3

after school yesterday, headed down to NYP with Melissa and Kellin to watch Shayenne's hockey match.

we took an hour to travel there.

caught 10mins of the first half, and 6mins of the second half, before the judges decide that the rain was too heavy for the players to carry on with the game.

and we got stuck in the tent for like an hour.

my topshop super girl underwear was soaked. ugh.

and we wasted 2hours for 16mins worth of match.

how suay can we get?

but nevertheless, it was fun!

Shayenne Bitch #2 (jersey #5) got hit in the ankle by Bavani's ball.

she was in so much pain she couldn't stand up. thinking back i think i was quite apathetic towards her. HA.

melly and i in NYP's toilet.
melly was damn random and wanted to see whether their toilet was better than ours.
HELLO, if you think that even MRT's toilet is better than SP's then of course NYP's toilet would win SP's hands down right?

headed to Toa Payoh for Subway. why tpy? because Melly wanted to go shop at Toa Payoh Central for cheap loafers, but you know, we were so god-damn tired.
Subway was delicious! AH. haven't ate such fresh, crispy and fragrant Subway for a very long time... (Melly said it was just because I'm starving at that moment, that's why. another reason being the company -.- )
had a very long chat, and following up was a little walk around the area because suaku eastie Melly has never been to Toa Payoh before.
"You go e!hub before meh? huh huh huh?"
wah lao. always use e!hub as ur shield. i'll make sure i visit e!hub during class chalet.

"I also very eager to get home but still got 10 more stops. Zz. plus still must take bus from paris. Omg."

"Haha! you typed paris!"

"Haha i know! i live in paris what you dunno meh. Can see the eiffel tower from my room's window. Cool ah. Next time come my hse i show you!"

wah lao. why my class full of these kinda spastic people?
Clinton not enough. There's still Bryan and Dickson. plus now Melissa.

Melissa Ong Swann Lin! You bitch with your stupid mian bao fetish! who didn't believe i really made you a Ai Xin Mian Bao! here! evidence! (i even forgot to bring my Subway cookies to school for breakfast because i was chiong-ing your bread!)
You cheated my feelings! ):
You said if I made you Ai Xin Mian Bao then you'd come school today, but you didn't.
You broke your promise and along with it, my heart!
BOOHOO. so disappointed can!
after school Dickson and Bryan were like asking, "hey, then your bread how?"
I am so going to smash it square in your face tomorrow! but first, i hope it grows mould over the night.

you make me feel alright, no high.

it feels like i haven't had a really happy school day for a very very super long time already!
so i am damn super happy i had one today! ((:

although it rained cats and dogs today and i had to brave the rain with my dad, it was quite alright!
UCCD presentations (for some dubious reasons) were rather enjoyable!
brunch with melissa, kellin and shay was bitchy. and it felt like a super long time since i had a "normal" conversation with shay! we're always bickering and contempting each other, i had this quaint sensation when we suddenly talked damn normally like girlfriends, not bitches! HAHAHA!
after UCCD presentation round 2, bryan & alex were doing their funny gimmicks finally!

i haven't seen this crazy side of the people in class for DAMN LOOOOONG already!
everyday everyone is just damn tired, damn gloomy, damn stressed etc.
but today, everyone is like when sodium meets water! all hyped up and crazy!
i haven't seen everyone laugh like that for so long.
i myself haven't laughed till my cheeks cramp, stomach muscles complain and tears roll down my cheeks for ages already. ((:

SSM lecture was spent writing notes to Melly.
Dark Knight with Melly at Great World after that. (i did a damn bitchy thing! omg)
*HORRORS! SUPER DUPER BIG HUGE SECRET REVELATION.*
and tmr we're going to tell Shay but not without torturing her first. HAHAHA! (i can distinctly hear shay & melly say *what a bitch!* out loud.)
after that was free ice cream from shay at island creamery's! heehee. Thanks Shay!!!
melly is such a PIG!

upon request (she even requested that i omit the "upon request" part! like, no way melly. i'm not going to pretend this was written from the bottom of my heart, HAHA!)
Melly is damn angelic today! cuz she accompanied me to Tiong as i need to take train back to school, when she could've taken a bus home from Great World straight.

*sigh. everyone is vying to be angelic to me norrr.. i'm sorry i can't help it.*

and then i had a damn good time in French!
and then i played with Kynan for hours!
i haven't been so genuinely happy for so many days omg!
what has schoolwork and projects done to me?

---

Melissa: "for you, i will"; "wah lao. waste my time eh you! go SSM for what! i never bring my notes!"; "NO! but today's wednesday! you're supposed to enjoy for the whole dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"; "eh eh eh eh! you never know, you never know!"; "scare me!"

Clinton: "ehhh, so you all watching dark knight today?"
Melly: "ya. why?"
Clinton: "help me video can?"
Me: "HELP YOU VIDEO WHAT?!"
Clinton: "Cuz that time I watch I left halfway because I scared I miss the last train... So, u all later watch help me video can? HAHAHA! when you see the joker walking alone funnily on the streets in broad daylight right, den you start recording from there! HAHAHAHAHA! (gruesome typical Clinton laughter)"
Melly: "Wah lao you siao ah you! Go watch again la!"
Clinton: "You think I so rich like you ah?"
Kellin: "Go watch online la!"
Clinton: "You think I so illegal like you ah?"

Bryan: "eh, my chest muscles damn hard! you see you see, can move one!"

Shay the slutty secretary.

Dickson the Bastard that's afraid of tickles.

Carmen is the Queen of Canines.

aiya. i'm damn happy la. i'm not even upset that i've to go for MR project meeting at 1145 tmr!

an altered-state-of-mind

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
It’s a complicated web, that you weave inside my head
or am i the spider, that's weaving the threads?

---

an altered-state-of-mind,
oh, an altered-state-of-mind.
how can i know that it's really love, but not serotonin instead?

all work, no play

i am damn drowsy now.
i feel like plopping onto the bed and sleep like nobody's business but no i can't!
cause i have to:
edit SSM Presentation
do QA tutorial
finish RWPS report
study FMA test

like, what the hell what the hell what the hell.
weekends are for resting and recharging (i.e. SHOPPING! SLACKING AT HOME!). not MORE WORK!

SSM meeting was rather fun i guess.
yay. i hope we rock the presentation ((:

and upon request, i shall blog this:
SHAYENNE is damn angelic today because she accompanied me to Vaio Pro shop at Suntec to collect my pay cheque, after our project discussion. (PAY CHEQUE!!! *squeals*)
HA!!!

and BFF is the world's besterestest friend i could ever find.

and off to work i go.
wah lao. not a minute of rest. )):

yikes [edited]

my mum just came into my room to tell me Beach. Ball. Babes's Rainie's mother is her friend's eldest daughter.
LOL. that was random.

aiya. no TGIF for me this week ):
while everyone is celebrating outside the submission of our UCCD report and SSM report today after school, i cabbed home and slept from 5pm-7pm.

i fell sick yesterday. was feverish and had flu (and i passed it to kynan! boo. damn guilty so i didn't go over today lest i make him feel worse, and fought abit with my mum because of that.) but i had to stay up to wait for the final UCCD report till 2am because somebody was giving it his "magical touch" (quote Dickson) so despite feeling like hell today, i went to school anyway. and had a super tough time with Dickson & Badriyah in the comp lab. sometimes computers just drives us crazy don't they?

3 down, how many more to go?
UCCD presentation
UCCD report
SSM report
SSM presentation
QA test
FMA test
MR report
RWPS report
RWPS presentation
GEMs presentation
Dip. Plus report
Dip. Plus presentation
French Test

and after all these, there is like, one-two week(s) to study for the beeeeeg semestral exams.
OHMYFREAKINGGOD.
i hate year 2.
semester 1 is already like that, i cannot fathom how semester 2 is going to be like.

---

i wanna go night festival tomorrowww!!!
i wanna watch Dark Knight!

---

׀[ c a r m e n ]׀ ☆ reports & presentations. -sigh- says:
okay bye bitch
׀[ c a r m e n ]׀ ☆ reports & presentations. -sigh- says:
sweet dreams
PPJ. says:
bye slut.
PPJ. says:
bad dreams.

wah lao. shay's such a bitchy friend! haha.
wish you were here, melly!
u're such an angel compared to shay ((:

and BFF is currently the suckiest friend on earth for ignoring my smses.
2 days already!

caught in the middle

oh no.

I ABHOR. DETEST. DISLIKE. LOATHE and HATE
this feeling of being caught in the middle.

i don't want a confrontation.
especially NOT with someone i have established a friendship with.
(when i say this i almost want to hurl, because much as i value our so-called friendship, is there a friendship in the first place? if there was, then why would i be faced with this dilemma then?)
yet i don't like this feeling of pure exploitation.
taking me for granted. taking advantage of my nicety.

the relationship is a complicated one.
and as far as i know, only HL understands my plight and what i'm going through, but yet not exactly because HL definitely did not establish a friendship with the-above-mentioned (tam), and most likely would not hesitate with a confrontation, living up to HL's reputation.
oh wells. THANKS (again) HL, i believe karma will befall tam but then again, tam is still my friend, no?

again, the relationship is a complicated one.
how can my friend exploit me?!
BAH.
and now, I'm caught in the middle.

bitchy, stressful tuesday [edited]

Sunday: Swensens' Classic Pancake Breakfast with Christina from 10-12

We went crazy shopping at Face Shop thereafter and each spent 30+!

We coincidentally wore our 4K Class tee! ((:
telepathy! (cuz we just had this urge to wear it in the morning before we left the house..)

I LOVE LONG TALKS WITH GIRLFRIENDS <3>

[1] had a headache wanted to cab home today, but just nice as i reach the bus stop, 105 came so i boarded it.

[2] today is a damn lousy day because (a)i had to wake up earlier this morning as my dad needs to be early for work; (b) RWPS made me very very VERY stressed out. (apart from the SSM, UCCD, GEMs and Dip. Plus projects that i'm juggling with, RWPS is suddenly in the picture, adding on to my toll. haha it has always been in the picture but in the backgroud but my teacher highlighted it today so it's standing out like a sore thumb now. omg i think my eyes are dying and mind is swirling from all the projects all over the picture.)

[3] bitching sessions with Shi Ping, Clinton and Yan Ling today. wooo. quote Clinton, "Bitching is my favourite pasttime." (it feels weird to call a guy a bitch, omg.)

[4] Shayenne is my bitch and Melissa is my darling.

[5] haiya. damn alot of things going on in my head i need time to sort them out!


life is getting more and more interesting (yet complicated) with all the different sorts of people i'm meeting. *sigh* i guess it's just part and parcel of life and i have to deal with all the situations.


P.S. How can i be so happy and blissful on Sunday and so miserable and stressed on Tuesday?

[edit]
P.P.S. but part of me is glad i've found some true friends whom i can depend on. (at least for the time being) and i cannot say how grateful i am to have found them!
Thanks Clinton! (for your generosity lol) -sworn to secrecy!- ahahaha.
Thanks Shi Ping! you made me gain some insights on certain stuffs..
How can i be so grumpy 3 hours before, and so grateful and blessed now? HAHAHA.
something's wrong with me mann.

fabulicious week 12 (:

bah bah bah! school reopen has been a total BUMMER to all of us.
but i have to say, it has been quite a fantastic week!
Cold Rock with Bryan, Clariss, Dickson, Ken and Shi Ping before SMART briefing for YES-NEC.
skipped Dip. Plus with Shi Ping for the first time due to the exhaustion (i think it's going to be the one and only time. *i hope* we contemplated for 3hours for heavens' sake!)

RWPS cancelled on tuesday.
YES-NEC on wednesday.
Thursday, had an impromptu chilling session with Sherilyn and Yan Ling after school at Holland V, before meeting the LOVES of my life:

Christina's

Mine

Chloe's

Claire's

haha. can't make out what were the food we ate right? we had no idea too.
the food was not very satiable. my first time at Mexican restaurant.
but the company more than made up for it! (:

WELCOME BACK HOME, CHRISTINA!

i can't believe the last time Christina and I met up was back when I was still working in Bossini! Back in early 2007!

Well, besides dear Christina, a lovely surprise compensated for the very unsatisfying meal - MTVAsia's Utt!!!!!

(we thought it would be very impolite to interrupt his meal and request for photos with him. *boo* so yours truly had to pose spastically in the midst of my meal so that Claire could take pictures of him discreetly, so yeah.)





Our desperate attempt for a "close" shot with Utt.

(:

Then it's to Olio for desserts!

I've been introducing Olio's Style Brownie to whoever I can whenever I can! It's like, ranked #1 on my dessert list!

Scalding hot chocolate brownie as the base, rich but not too creamy, fragrant vanilla ice cream in the middle, freezing cold hard chocolate brownie with nuts embedded in it on the top, drizzled with chocolate fudge that sizzles like mad when it flows onto the hot plate, and lastly, a sprinkle of nuts on top. One mouth can make people swoon and literally go nuts in their head over this dessert.

Mmmm... Where can I find a dessert more heavenly than this? 4 of us shared 2 and we each paid $4.40 only!

Check out the video yourself! But beware! prepare a napkin first in case you drool on your keyboard!

So tempting right?

Very tremendously satisfied Foursome

Christina. Chloe. Me.

Nigus is LOVEEE.
Chloe. Carmen. Christina. Clarissa. Claire. Jia Jia.
i think i'm very poor thing. being the shortest, i always have to stand in front and thus my face is like so darn big in comparision. BOO.)

i realised i didn't take a single photo with Claire, so here! Back in Bali Lane's Masquerade, trying out costumes for Nat's costume party. i can't remember if i uploaded this but i most likely didn't.

Friday, another impromptu outing with Bryan, Dickson and Shi Ping.
Ken and Badriyah were supposed to come along too but i've no idea why they didn't in the end.
Watched Hancock at The Cathay and dinner at PS's Pizza Hut before heading home at 930pm.

nah! here. this is the ONE AND ONLY photo I have of Bryan Tan!
stop believing those malicious lies that narcissistic Bryan told of me!
I DO NOT have 30 over photos of him!

Dickson and I were the only one with smiles.
Bryan and Shi Ping acting cool.
HAHAHA.
School reopen blues but hell yeah, it was fun!
Mummy left for Malacca. Back tomorrow. Wanted to go swimming with my Daddy today but the pouring rain totally dampened my spirits. Wasted my Saturday away ):

Looking forward to breakfast with Christina tomorrow!
I'm going to make sure I spend as much time as possible with her before she leaves for Australia on the 15th. I can't even go send her off because it's in the middle of the week and her plane's very late at night ): ): ):

tilldos!

Halls [edited]

shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!

heartbroken ):
my eye candy is attached.
complicated story.

his GF is Terri's close friend. whom i used to browse her friendster and think her BF is quite cute, not realising that her BF and my eye candy are the same person.
UNTIL TODAY. omg i'm rather stewpid.
but according to Enna, "his name is j**** lor. but he got gf already. and he's damn cocky, damn flirt and most importantly, is damn haolian one. those only smile to pretty girls kind of boy. my impression of him not very good! hmph!"

yeap, anyway saw him at SMART today.
Clariss told me he's from media & comm, but apparently he's from DBF or sth.
(of course la. i'm DAMN STEWPID because Media & Comm is under CASS what! not under SB! not SB student cannot join SMART right? omg I AM SO STUPID. made Enna think and think and think but don't know whot the hell is my eye candy cuz i gave her wrong info! and i even saw his face in the SB "catalogue" during open house training, under DBF course before. I AM SO DAMN DUMB.)

speaking of SMART, YES-NEC duty was...
al...right. i should say.
went for briefing at 130pm.
left at 245 for my QA make up test (ahem. "QA make-up test" is an unspeakable now! don't ask!) before my team even came.
back at 4 to join them at some workshop.
Miss lllll just randomly appointed me the leader of the class.
and i'm in charge of the class's (class = 5teams of 5 = 25, but 10, i.e. 2teams left because of certain reasons) performance item. so naturally i chose cheer but my mind was stuck in the pits. with nothing but, "i said brrr, it's cold in here. there must be some dunman in the atmosphere" cheer. emergency called claire & nat, who both told me the dynamite-cheer but haha. i can't remember a single thing from the cheer.
530 dinner. desperate for a minute to teach them cheer. i tried teaching them "thunder thunder" thinking it is quite common, but none of them heard of it before! and we were chased back to our seats, to watch the performance at the amphi-theatre.
and TA-DA! it started raining in the midst of one of our favourite lecturers in school, Caleb Lye started singing and playing "Yellow" and a song he wrote himself.
so we had to shift to the Auditorium. (drenched)
Auditorium was rather horrid. i ran here and there and taught fifteen people (and my fellow SMART people - Shi Ping, Clariss, Dickson, Bryan & ShiQi) the cheer in like, less than 15mins?
SOOOO difficult.


i'm just so glad i'm back in my lovely comfortable bed in my nicely air-conditioned bedroom.

---

this is so siannn. the hoo-ha of the blogosphere is kinda gone but i'm rather HAPPY i got to read the post before xiaxue deleted it ((:
fight people fight! sue each other. (my life is so crazily busy, but MUNDANE, that i need all these to spice it up mann. hahaha.)

HORRORS. i just heard the news of Starbucks!
NOOOO! no more Starbucks in America ):

teigne

hot stuff hot stuff!

i think a WAR is about to begin in the blogosphere.
check out Xiaxue's blog HERE! (haha. it's a trick. hover on "Xiaxue" instead of "HERE!")

yeah babeh.
omg what am i doing here when i'm supposed to be studying for QA test tomorrow?
i'm so going to fail ):
long day ahead! can't believe i'm feeling bummed for missing French tmr. but, I SERIOUSLY AM!
i really hope YES-NEC (SMART duty) is worth it mann.

Je suis une teigne.
l'assume.
(Clariss' tee from her sis/mum that travelled back all the way from Paris. still trying to figure out what it means, because "teigne" seems to mean ringworm?!?!)