question mark

and so, Mr. Ng called me today, at an unearthly hour (at least for me) of 9:06am, where i was still happily deep asleep.
you see, Monday was Virus's "just-for-fun" chalet at Costa Sands Pasir Ris.
people invited were:
raphael, rara, hong xiang, ai hui, li hui, jia xuan, audrey and me.
we BBQ-ed and played games, and drank white wine & red wine for forfeits.
I had a dose too much of laughter, my sides hurt.
the games went on till wee hours of Tuesday morning, where we sang Happy Birthday Song for Jia Xuan at 12midnight.
after more games and some "talking" session, Jia Xuan went delirious and went around forcing people to drink Vodkha + 7up. ("because she's the birthday girl, everyone has to drink with her" quote xuan.)
having downed 2 cups before this and many forfeits, I was goner after another 2cups.
Hong Xiang was the most pitiful guy because Xuan was mad enough to serve him Vodkha neat.
ONE CUP. ALMOST FULL TO THE BRIM.

goner as in my world couldn't stop spinning and i really couldn't walk straight and i had a strange urge to go around hugging people (but thankfully i was still resilient enough to restrict myself from hugging anyone) and i was rather high and talking loudly and laughing sillily and i looked like i put 2 dose of blusher on the apples of my cheeks.
after loitering around the chalet and going in and out of the chalet, (i dno what i was doing but i just kept walking around) I went to the toilet and tried to puke but nothing came out.
just as i was washing my hands in the basin, everything lolled out of my mouth into the sink.
OOPS!
yes i'm the guilty culprit. i'm so sorry people i stinked up the toilet. and nobody knew who the culprit was.
stumbled up the stairs to the bedroom and i nearly crumbled jia xuan when i hugged her for support.
(funny i'm still so aware what i was doing. i just have no control but i'm VERY aware of what i was doing. )
slept on the matresses on the floor with Virus cuz there were no more "lots" on the 2 beds.
woke up at 930 am to find rara, li hui & ai hui already gone.
the rest woke up one by one and raphael was super high he made me laugh till my tears wet the pillow.

1035 we finally all crawled out of bed and washed up and cleared up & checked out at 1130.
cabbed home with hong xiang and i didn't sleep a wink till 12plus, which explains why i only woke up at 11 today.

---

alright, back to Mr. Ng.
he called again at 1136, when I was still lolling around in bed, unwilling to wake up..

mumbled, "Hello?"

"Hi is this Carmen?"

"Yes, speaking."

"Hi Carmen, this is Mr. Ng. Hmm, how are you?"

astounded, i blanked out. but thankfully this time my brain could revive on its own and said, "I'm fine?" (shd i have said thank you???)

"Ok, that's good. Have you received any letters from us? Letter of Notification?"

heart thumping, i replied, "No, I didn't receive any."

"Oh, ok. Earlier I asked the admin to send some things to you, but I guess they haven't. I think it's because they're very busy with the registrations going on."

"Oh, ok.." (i was wondering what's the "some things")

"Just want to check with you if you're being offered a place, would you take up the offer immediately?"

"Ya, of course."

"Ok then, I'll go and check with the admin side."

"Oh, ok. Thanks. Bye."

"Bye!"

funny it is, that after being aroused from my deep sleep, i "dreamt" of school reopen and my brother asking me why i didn't enroll the Dip. Plus.
and for fear that he would be disappointed in me, i tried to cook up some lame excuses to cover up.
and the ache was creeping up, eating me inside, but i pushed it back away and consoled myself that it was "no big deal". like what Claire and Mr. Ng said to comfort me, I can always take up similar courses outside SP.
and Mr. Ng called.
coincidence? fate? destiny? the play of God's hands?
the truth is, there was so much ambiguity in the phone call, i think i was only happy for about, a milisecond. make that nanosecond.
i think i've consoled and "hypnotised" myself so successfully, i've managed to lock it up in a treasure box somewhere deep down.
and all the work and activities i had kept me busy enough to forget about it.
only occasionally, would i be reminded of it, and then twinge in pain & guilt for awhile.
drowning myself in self-pity.
before i dry myself up and lock everything back in once again.

what lies ahead then?
is it a typical HK Comedy ending?
or a Korean you-cant-help-but-weep-soap ending?
i really don't know.
it's a big question mark.

don't tell me i got it.
because to me, from the conversation, it seems ambiguous.
there's no certainty there.
spare me from the pain of having my hopes and dreams dashed. again.

i will only tear with joy when i receive the letter.
that's my only guarantee chop.

working tomorrow at VIVOCITY! (to monk: read! VIVOCITY! i dare you to forget again.)
i'm so psyched because Virus said i'll be the most "senior" there and no full-timers are coming. Kinda scared though cuz i'm NO IT PRO.
another thing to be psyched about is that i'll be working with 4 other girlies:
jia xuan, audrey, shun ya and guess who? WONG XIUYI!
hahaha.
ok. better go sleep cuz we're supposed to report for work at blardy 930am!