happy on the outiside
broken on the inside.
no one knows the pain i feel in my heart.
why cant both of you treat each other like how you both treat me?
i'm so torn and broken inside.
since i was at a sensible age, i've always been grateful to any almighty beings up there, lazing around in the clouds, watching over me, and bestowing such wonderful brothers to me.
doting on me like i was the one and only princess in their heart despite the VERY ONE AND ONLY OBVIOUS FACT that we're only half-siblings.(although my elder brother was rather strict and stern and irritating and demanding and i hated him severely during 10-12)
i mean, some real siblings (THEY THEMSELVES, yes the BOTH OF THEM! the irony to it!) cant even meet eye to eye to anything on under the sun. anything at all!
yet, we're not killing each other and vying for the love of our mother (our only blood relation), which is hell surprising, judging from the fact that they're at daggers with each other.
the great thing is, my birthday is tomorrow.
and none of them wants to even eat at the same table with the other.
how great is that.
i only knew about their fight yesterday. and while my mum was filling me in about everything, i was holding back the tears welling in my eyes. i know she's got enough on her plate already, what with both of my childish brothers wanting to dis-acknowledge each other over some stupid matters, so i didn't want to worry her.
while i was preparing for work, tears trickled down my face and the kind of pain that i feel inside could never be described.
but at work, (both yesterday & today) i was distracted from it and was my usual happy cheerful fun loving carmen. but like today, while i was on the bus after work, it just appeared in my mind again like a lightning across the sky.
and although i'm so happy giving bernard his birthday present and receiving one from shah (my beloved warrior), it feels as though this happiness was only on the surface. like a little toddler who cannot find his mother, receives a sweet -- happy.
pure happiness and they get engrossed and distracted by the sweet. but the effect doesn't lasts long... it starts to wear off...
when they realise their mummy is not around, the effect of the sweet wears off, and the emotions starts sinking in again... and they take seconds to start reacting, and then seconds again to start crying...
to start feeling the pain in me.
now we cant even have a simple dinner like how we used to in the past. just a dinner.
i dont even need presents from both of you.
i just want you both to patch up.
dont you understand?
it's a damn fugly picture but who cares.
i need both of you, by my side.
no one knows the pain i feel in my heart.
why cant both of you treat each other like how you both treat me?
i'm so torn and broken inside.
since i was at a sensible age, i've always been grateful to any almighty beings up there, lazing around in the clouds, watching over me, and bestowing such wonderful brothers to me.
doting on me like i was the one and only princess in their heart despite the VERY ONE AND ONLY OBVIOUS FACT that we're only half-siblings.(although my elder brother was rather strict and stern and irritating and demanding and i hated him severely during 10-12)
i mean, some real siblings (THEY THEMSELVES, yes the BOTH OF THEM! the irony to it!) cant even meet eye to eye to anything on under the sun. anything at all!
yet, we're not killing each other and vying for the love of our mother (our only blood relation), which is hell surprising, judging from the fact that they're at daggers with each other.
the great thing is, my birthday is tomorrow.
and none of them wants to even eat at the same table with the other.
how great is that.
i only knew about their fight yesterday. and while my mum was filling me in about everything, i was holding back the tears welling in my eyes. i know she's got enough on her plate already, what with both of my childish brothers wanting to dis-acknowledge each other over some stupid matters, so i didn't want to worry her.
while i was preparing for work, tears trickled down my face and the kind of pain that i feel inside could never be described.
but at work, (both yesterday & today) i was distracted from it and was my usual happy cheerful fun loving carmen. but like today, while i was on the bus after work, it just appeared in my mind again like a lightning across the sky.
and although i'm so happy giving bernard his birthday present and receiving one from shah (my beloved warrior), it feels as though this happiness was only on the surface. like a little toddler who cannot find his mother, receives a sweet -- happy.
pure happiness and they get engrossed and distracted by the sweet. but the effect doesn't lasts long... it starts to wear off...
when they realise their mummy is not around, the effect of the sweet wears off, and the emotions starts sinking in again... and they take seconds to start reacting, and then seconds again to start crying...
to start feeling the pain in me.
now we cant even have a simple dinner like how we used to in the past. just a dinner.
i dont even need presents from both of you.
i just want you both to patch up.
dont you understand?
it's a damn fugly picture but who cares.i need both of you, by my side.
posted by carmen at
9:19 pm
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